Quitting is NOT an option

I stop dead in my tracks to take a rest. Panting, breathing hard, doesn't make a difference, my lungs are hurting, my face is stinging. I am utterly exhausted. My hands hang like dead limbs to my side, my head down low.

"What do you wanna do, Kate?" Sean asks behind me.

To be honest, I want to give up, Sean. I see the peak of what seems to be the top of the mountain, I am good right here. You guys go ahead. Just go. Now. I can sit here and wait.

As I am thinking this, 30 seconds pass and my body has already started the cooling process. It's about -10 degrees, 4:30am on a Sunday morning and we are at a height nearing 4,800m ASL. It's pitch black. We are on Mt. Kenya approaching the "smallest" of the three peaks, Lenana.


I clench my teeth and take another step. Pause. Another step. Pause. I am wearing so many layers I feel like Neil Armstrong, man on the moon. My legs feel so heavy beneath me. My head lamp is dying and the only thing lighting my path is Sean's head lamp behind me and Alex' when he turns around every so often to check up on me. Three days of trekking amounts to this final push. I have to do it, I've come this far, I can't stop now. Sean says it's about 20 minutes more but I know he's wrong. I just know it. Keep going. Doesn't matter now.

I search for encouraging thoughts in my head and I hear my Dad's voice over and over again telling me to keep going. Every time I falter, I know he's there and it's safe. Slow and steady. Then, his voice becomes my own again and I am back in the cold, back in the darkness, back in the moment and it hurts. I collapse on a cold slab of a stone to catch my breath. Heavy panting again, and I turn my body outwards to inhale what little oxygen there is. I look up and I am reminded how beautiful this pain is. I am gazing at the stars and I can't believe how close I feel to them. Shooting stars sporadically appear and I am reminded that in the same way that these appear and quickly escape out of sight, this moment too, will pass. I find my strength in those thoughts and in knowing how good it will feel when I finally reach the top. The voices come back- friends, family, lyrics to the song that holds so many secrets of longing...their last words of support give me confidence again.

I broke down into sobbing tears a couple more times and every time I knew I had to collect myself before exhausting myself all the more. The answer lay in small footsteps, pacing myself and listening to Sean and Alex's encouragement.

As the sun rises, one last jagged rock marks the final 1 meter push. Alex turns to me, he is beaming and he tells me we've made it and that I am a trooper. He hugs me as I am holding back the tears, and he continues on...his energy and strength amaze me even now. Our guide, Mohamed, lends me a helping hand and he pulls me up.

4985m ASL. I am at the top of the world it feels like. The sun is shinning a brilliant white light. The landscape is in all its glory and pristine beauty. I see the clouds far down below slowly rolling over and swallowing the lower peaks, the campsite, my world down below along with all my worries, fears and troubles.




I collapse on the ground on a huge flat stone and feel the sun on my back. I cry tears of joy, I can't believe I made it. Sean and Alex come hug me and I am overcome by our accomplishment.

In one word, unforgettable.

Thanks boys, I couldn't have done it without you.

Assignment 2

Alright, I am done boycotting blogs, mainly because I've realized nothing will get done unless I change my attitude. Let me explain...

I have come to resent my job- long hours in the field for a project that I have no confidence in. It tests my patience and above all my endurance under the hot Kenyan sun, believe it or not. In the morning I find myself really unwilling to comply but I do, and I get through the day but it really does drain me of energy.

In the beginning I used to go out into the field Monday through Friday myself, a ranger and the driver. From 8:30am till about 5:00pm I would be out doing data collection in the African bush, that is, until my "incident" with nature. This particular day started out like every other day except that we were in this part of Lewa Conservancy near swamp-land where the brush is so dense and tall that it reaches your chest. Visibility three meters ahead of you: nill. I was warned to look out for water buffalo- very territorial and extremely dangerous. Little did I know buffalo were the least of my worries.

At 11:30 we were heading back to Lewa Headquarters for lunch and you must know that by this point my brain is fried. I am trudging back towards the car, the ranger is to my right only a few feet ahead of me. My head is down, I'm dragging my feet, I am so thirsty. I am carrying equipment in my hand I am not looking ahead, my guard is so low. Mistake.

What do you know I take a step and I feel something quite thick like a log move beneath me. A fraction of a second passes and I am in full realization of what is happening now. I am fully awake now, fully aware that I am stepping on a Black Puff Adder Snake. PANIC. Equipment falls to the ground obstructing my view, I am stepping back and away from it, screaming frantically panicked and still stepping on the body on this reptile which seemed interminable. I fall on my derriere and I am caught between dragging myself away from it and kicking it away. "Kate, where's the head!?" I am screaming in my head. Luckily, the snake doesn't recoil and come back at me with a vengeance. Instead, he just moved out of my way and snaked back into the bushes.

Shaking, I start laughing nervously. Phew, that was a close one. After all the commotion I realize the ranger had initially thought I had seen a buffalo until he saw me looking down and even he couldn't do anything to help me at the time.

So back at the office my boss says this calls for slight changes. Three days a week for field work accompanied by an armed ranger...and I, I should probably stop wearing my converse.

Back to the resentment bit. I would probably hate my job regardless of what it was and it is mostly because it takes me away from doing all the selfish things I want to do while in Kenya, because when will be the next time that I am here? But this is not the attitude to adopt...I am sure that just by adopting this mentality I am missing out on a lot of things. And to be honest, I say to my self...tough luck, this is what you are here to do. Others would kill for this chance...so hence the reason I have decided to stop sulking and do my damn job.